**New Post** The Diva’s Corner {When Anger Takes Over}

Hello and Welcome to *The Diva’s Corner {Relationships, Girl Talk, Real Talk}*

Session 2 – When Anger Takes Over

In the last post we talked about Relationships and What a Healthy Relationship should be. This week’s post has taken a turn on its own. I feel I needed to talk about this subject with all of you. It is extremely vital that we all deal with our own feelings and emotions before they take control over our lives.

What are we talking about today. The mean old Anger Bully! Yes, anger can lead to all sorts of evils, that is if you act upon them.

So What is Anger, you might ask?

According to the APA (American Psychological Association), “Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.”

You can read more about anger here.

When anger takes over, you are not thinking rationally. You are reacting to the situation or circumstance and you are basing your actions on your emotions.

For all you married people (specifically) and those involved in relationships, you have all experienced a time when you were angry with your spouse. I am speaking directly to those who are married, because when you get angry or have a big argument, you cannot just walk away and leave –  like those who are in a committed relationship but not married. Sorry folks, marriage is another ballgame! You can’t just leave when things aren’t going in your favor or your own way.

You still have to get in the same bed at night with this person. I don’t have couch sleeping over here, I don’t think I have ever made my husband sleep on the couch (nor will he anyway, not happening in my house). I said all that to say this, as a couple you have to work those issues out. Do NOT ignore them and brush them under a rug, they will not go away unless you address them directly. When you do not handle issues right away or soon thereafter, that bitter seed of resentment starts to creep in. Before you know it, there is a wedge creating a distance in your marriage or relationship.

If you both cannot resolve the issues together in a peaceful manner, maybe look into seeking a neutral party and outside help. I am not talking about Joe your best friend or Sally your best girlfriend.

 Your friends are not really your friends in this situation. You all know this is true. Your friends will only take one side and they will only add fuel to the fire.

You and your spouse said I Do and you agreed to all the terms of the marriage. So you will have to stay there and stick it out.

Now if there is abuse in the home, I am not talking directly to you. You will need to seek professional help with your special situation.

I am talking to those who are in a healthy relationship, where there is genuine love, care and support and you have had way to many arguments and it is now affecting your relationship and levels of intimacy.

 

What can you do when you are angry with your spouse or mate?

• Forgive (I cannot stress this one enough) It is a must to stay married for a long time!
• Don’t play the blame game – Take ownership for your part
• Listen before you react –  Keep your cool and talk it out rationally
• Assess the situation – Is it something worth arguing over
• Try to resolve the disagreement peacefully
• Reciprocate Forgiveness and Compassion
• Emanate Love and Kindness – True love covers a multitude of faults, idiosyncrasies and habits

No one wins when there is tension in the house. Remember the children are watching and they will imitate and emulate the behavior they see in their environment.

Let love reside, let love overcome and let love win over everything. If you don’t have love in your marriage, then you won’t have a strong, solid foundation to build and lean upon. When you are in those times of struggle and stress, remember what brought you together in the first place. Well, let me rephrase and elaborate on that statement. See Below…

Anger Busters:

• Remember what you loved most about your spouse
• Remember what made that person so special to you
• What about that person made your heart skip a beat
• Refresh your marriage
• Rekindle that love that brought you together in the first place
• Do something special for one another
• It is the little things that make a huge impact
• Encourage one another
• Support one another
• Submit to one another
• Love – Key ingredient to a healthy, thriving, vital and loving marriage
• Be Happy together and with one another
• Be besties with each other – improve your relationship skills with each other
• Invest time, effort and energy into your own relationship

Here are a few Biblical references that have helped me when I experienced feelings of anger toward my spouse. He’s going to get me, but yes even I have had many times I was so angry and upset and feeling like, Who is this person I married? I still have to lay my head next to this person at night. Then I look at my spouse and my heart just melts, even when I want to stay so angry. But, I have to forgive and I choose to forgive for my health and well-being and being a Christian, it definitely helps to go and pray somewhere. That I don’t go off on him. Ha, that was free!

At the end of the day it is all about Love, people! Okay here are the scripture references that you can use in times of anger…

Ecclesiastes 7:9

 

The True Definition of Love…

1 Corinthians 13

“Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

Ephesians 5:25

Ephesians 5:28